


alone we were, and alone we'll be.

by anterogradebaekhyun



Category: EXO (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Character Death, College, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Love/Hate, Mild Language, Mild Smut, Romance, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 04:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9219080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anterogradebaekhyun/pseuds/anterogradebaekhyun
Summary: The story of two humans who ended up loving the act of being alone more than they loved each other.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [peachxiu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachxiu/gifts).



Prologue:

May 31st, 2017

rei sat in the college classroom alone, tired as hell, missing the feeling of warmth against her skin. she was halfway falling asleep and the other half mourning after what she had so carelessly lost. It was an odd sight for her to be sitting alone, especially in classroom 102 where English was taught and words were used against her.

As she waited for the teacher to walk in, she felt a rush in her blood as the door opened; her eyelids shut the second jongin walked in, and by the looks of it, his did too.

 

—

reis story:

I’m the only child of two wealthy parents, one being the head of a famous company in south Korea and the other a famous actress, starring in every popular drama these days. I grew up in the heart of Seoul and loathed the smell of the air ever since I was old enough to go outside; of course, not without my body guards watching over my every move literally until I was the age of eighteen. I was early-on influenced to believe being alone was the unsurpassed, most helpful thing I’ve ever had happen to me. I was so used to meals being made for me by hired-chefs, nannies walking me to and from school, and body-guards taking me places even to the ice cream parlor down the street from our mansion. Eighteen was the age I mourned for. I went through life thinking I couldn’t even use a public restroom without someone waiting for me outside of the stall. My parents stayed overprotective and warned me about the evils of his world since I was just a child, but did promise me that when I turn the ripe and prime age of eighteen and move out, they won’t be as controlling; if I don’t live under their roof by that time, that is.

It all started when I was four, I was kidnapped by a couple who wanted money from my parents. They promised to give me back to them if my parents gave them eight million yon. It ended up being a court battle and the couple serving some years in jail, but ever since then my parents treated me as if I was the only thing they had to protect in this entire world. I was secluded from the world, yet, I never had alone time. The only day I was ever alone before I turned legal was when I was eleven. I snuck out to the ice cream parlor down the street from my house and hid in the bathroom stall all night. That’s how desperate I was, I hated how I couldn’t think for myself. Every kid in school found it weird how I couldn’t even go to my friend’s birthday parties, I lied and told them I was sick every time. I didn’t want to tell them I could go but only if I bring my body guard with me, to a goddamn 13th birthday party.

I started to slowly enjoy the times I spent in the bathroom, finally being completely alone in a room after a long day of close-watch. I enjoyed it so much sometimes I’d take four to five showers a day or fake a little too many bathroom stops just so I could get away from everything. I loved the sound of quietness, I loved the way no one had their eyes on me. Silence became my closest friend, and being alone, well, let’s just say, I fell in love with it.

So, from the moment I turned seventeen I got a job at my father’s company, with one of the highest paying positions and spending my time away from school and well-deserved summers making money. By the time, I was eighteen it took me two months to find a college and dorm there. But, as you can see, life hasn’t been the walk-in-the-park for me, but thank god, I opened my eyes to the real world and finally go to a school where my life changes daily. I go to Yonsei University, not the hardest school to get into, but definitely not the easiest. Maybe that’s why I chose it as my top choice instead of Seoul. I heard the girls and female atmosphere there is filled with popularity ranks and beauty standards and the males were high-class, too-pretty-to-be-a-boy kind of vibe. Such disastrous morals. Although the academics seemed top notch, I felt as if I couldn’t surround myself around people who acted like my parent’s party friends. I wanted a fresh start, no pessimistic people, and no negative reasons to stop going to school.

I’m in my second year of college, and I’ve come a long way from when I was in my first year. I can finally feel my lips stop hesitating to talk to new people, I can finally feel my hand be raised easily to answer a question in class, and boys? Well, let’s just say there’s this one brown eyes boy in my English class who I can’t help but stare at. I changed myself, and not for the worse. I went from a shut-in to the most talkative person in my class. I keep my identity to an all-time low, entirely. My birth name of Baek JiHyu, changed to Rei Mizuhara. Named after my grandmother Mizu-Nikko, and my grandfather’s last name, Hara. No one knows my parents are famous, nobody knows how my horrible tragic life story, no one would believe me even if I told them. The only pictures I have with my parents are from when I was a little child. They were smart and kept my identity safe, I mean, as smart as they can be.

So now it’s another semester of the same boring classes, and once again, succeeding in them to the fullest. although the effort was little to nothing, I still don’t know whether I should hate my parents for the abnormal genes and smart brain that somehow holds the knowledge for me to pass even the hardest of sophomore college exams, or show them adoration for how far it’s gotten me, despite my hardships socially.

 

I adore the feeling of being alone, and I blame them.

jongins story:

I’m the oldest of four siblings, and the son to a widowed mom. I was raised in a small apartment in Busan, barely enough room to fit all six of us in two rooms. Life growing up was anything but lonely and the act of being alone was practically nonexistent. I woke up with a brother’s foot in my face, and fell asleep at night with the sound of my sisters mp3 player; Everything in the middle became just as loud and privacy wasn’t an option. I was the oldest sibling to two sisters and two brothers, I held a high stance in my household ever since my father died when I was Eleven, leaving me to be the man of the house, still Til this day, every time I visit my home in Busan, I leave feeling worse each time. I promised my mom I wouldn’t leave the house until I was twenty, making money for my siblings and mother, and holding off college until I provided enough. But, my selfish desires and needs led me to move out the second I graduated high school. I couldn’t handle it at all, the pressure, the stress. I was selfish and left my responsibilities to my sister who was the second oldest. I left feeling strangled but after a few days, feeling the loneliest I’ve ever felt in my entire life; but it wasn’t a bad feeling, I literally felt so at home with the feeling of being alone, of being completely and utterly unbothered, in my own space. It was exhilarating and Til this day continues to make everything fall into place.

It burned to be suffocated with family, it hurt to not even be able to have a room to myself, even in my teen years. I hated it, I hated it all. I adored my siblings, I loved my mom, but something just didn’t feel okay. I’d sometimes lock myself in the only bathroom in our apartment and just drown out the sounds of everybody. There was even a time where I slept in the goddamn bathtub because I loathed the feeling of sharing a room with three of my siblings. So, somehow, the bathroom became a friend, an ally, it kept me away from everything, even when they knocked on the door yelling at me to come out .

College was just something I wanted to try out so I could finally feel older, finally have real friends and not just play pretend with my young siblings even at the age I was at eighteen. I was too dumb to be accepted into Seoul, and I was too smart just to waste myself on a community college. I chose Yonsei as a middle ground and so far, stuck with it. I’m in my second year and currently been drowning under piles of overdue work and half empty soju bottles. I just thank god, I have a place of my own, conveniently merely a mile away from school. Although I adore the sound of silence, I enjoy the dialogue of the other humans of this earth, especially this one girls voice in my English class, it’s slightly raspy and has the hint of pain. It’s soothing. But of course, no one will enter my life more than just a friend, maybe not even that. I spend my days alone and that’s how I love it.

I learned to appreciate the quietness, I learned to mourn for not having to share a bed at night, I was taught that having a bathroom to yourself and a space to yourself, is all I could ever ask for in a world where my sisters mp3 players music was all I heard in our room, and my brother’s feet in my face when I woke up was all I could smell. I wasn’t fit for such a life I lived, I really wasn’t. I will continue to believe that if I was born into a wealthy family I would be much happier, and not depressed in the shitshow I was born into.  
I still don’t know whether I should thank my family for showing me how amazing my life is compared to what it was, or hate them for bringing me to hate my past.

I loathe the feeling of people around me, and I blame them.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story of two humans who ended up loving the act of being alone more than they loved each other. 
> 
>  
> 
> Rei and Jongin grew up in extremely different environments and households, share completely different stories and personality traits, but somehow share the exact quiet taste of being completely and utterly alone.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this! I had a great although stressful time writing it :-)


End file.
